Welcome to the second installment of our monthly intention setting ritual.
For more details on what this is all about see this post right over here.
If you missed last months post, or any other I encourage you to check them out over here.
This month is going to be a tough one for some of us (especially me!). It's all about FORGIVENESS.
It can be difficult for people to forgive. I never understood why that was, especially because holding grudges doesn't do anything but hurt us. It reminds me of a quote by Buddha.
"Holding onto your anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
It really is so true. Our inability to forgive can create long lasting and significant problems in the way we think, feel, operate and maintain relationships. When I think of forgiveness I think of the 'other'. I think of forgiveness as something that is specific to people who have wronged me or hurt me. I lose sight of the other, crucial side of forgiveness. Forgiving oneself.
I think most people will agree that we are often most critical of ourselves. Keeping that in mind, it only makes sense that it would be epecially difficult to find forgiveness for ourselves.
This topic is especially important to me because I really struggle with this. It has taken me years to learn how to forgive others and I think I have a fairly good handle on it (though can always be better). The thing that I have the biggest problem with is forgiving myself. I've yet to figure out how to do it but I'm hoping that with practice I will be able to work my way to forgiving myself completely.
Let's try focusing on forgiveness this month.
Ways to make it happen:
*Define what forgiveness means to you.
*Make a list of people that you hold grudges against. Ask yourself these questions:
1- Do you remember what initially created the negative feelings?
2- How long has it been since this happened?
3- What are your feelings about this event now?
4- What are you gaining from holding onto these negative feelings?
5- What, if anything, would change if you forgave this person?
*What are the negative emotions you experience from not embracing forgiveness? (ie-resentment, anger, pain, frustration, avoidance, trust issues etc.) Visualize what it would feel like to be free of all these things. What does forgiveness feel like to you?
*Make a list of things about yourself that you are disappointed by. What do you beat yourself up about?
(Some things on my list would include:
- not spending more time with my father before he died
- not doing well in college out of highschool/not graduating yet
- my depression and severe anxiety
- not being able to prevent my best friend from committing suicide
kind of heavy I guess, they don't need to be that intense but these are just some examples)
Forgive yourself for these things outloud. Literally say 'I forgive myself for losing my job.' or 'I forgive myself for staying in an unhealthy relationship' etc.
You may not believe it at the time. Just saying it doesn't make it so, however, if you say it enough times with enough confidence you will eventually be able to accept it more easily. It's sort of the 'fake it til' you make it' mentality.
*Like I say every month- if you find yourself having trouble remind yourself what the goal is. Say the intention outloud- "This month/week/day/hour I am going to focus on forgiving myself and others."
Leave a comment sharing the ways you plan to focus on forgiveness this month. Is forgiveness something you struggle with?
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